My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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