My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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