OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will pee on everything he values.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
