Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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