She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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