I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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