this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
