Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
