Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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