Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
