Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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