singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
