pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize