bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize