i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
