I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
