You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
