She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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