Apparently you make a good broom.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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