I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize