sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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