i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
