it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
