turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
