Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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