You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im part way to drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
