Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
