i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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