Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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