I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
