I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
