Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize