She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
