he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
