in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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