bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
