I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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