Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
