she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
