too bad you live with your parents still
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
