Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What drink are we having for lunch?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize