Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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