He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
