Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
