Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are a genius and a whore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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