Screwed.edu
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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