You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
