he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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