I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
