There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
smell my finger.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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