I'm eating all of the evidence.
you win again, gameday.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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