What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need to stop coming to work sober
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
