My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
