My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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