bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
