Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
