we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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