I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
