11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
