just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize