I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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