Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize