i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
