I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
