Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
