Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
