you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
