Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Duck Duck Cougar?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
