I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
