bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
