what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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