4 words: hood of his car
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
