my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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